Parenting with Perspective: What I’d Tell My Younger Self

Somehow, I’ve become that mom with grown-up kids — my boys are now 22 and 23. Over the years, I’ve experienced just about every version of family life. I worked full-time outside the home, and later chose to stay home when that made the most sense for our family. My sons started out in public school, and eventually, we discovered that homeschooling was a better fit for us.

Professionally, my path has been just as diverse. I’ve been a foster care caseworker, a public school teacher, and even a group exercise instructor. Today, I bring all those experiences together in my work as an Executive Function Success Coach with Hi-Lite, where I help teens and young adults strengthen the skills to be successful in school, work, and life — things like focus, organization, time management, and self-advocacy (all things I wish we had known more about back when I was homeschooling and raising my boys).

If I could go back and sit down with my younger self, these are a few things I’d love to tell her — right after giving her a big hug.

You’ve never done this before, so give yourself some grace. Kids and teens don’t come with an instruction manual, and you’ve never been a mom to a small human this age before. You’re both learning as you go. Find a group of supportive parents who are in the same stage of parenting and connect regularly. Laugh, cry, and share the journey — whatever season you’re in, it won’t last forever.

Parenting with Perspective...

Don’t do everything for them. We’ve all been there — something needs to be done, and it’s just faster to do it ourselves. But every time we step in, we rob our kids of a learning opportunity. Help your teen learn how to problem-solve instead of jumping in to fix things. Ask questions like, “What’s your plan?” or “What could you try next?” It might take longer at first, but you’re equipping them with confidence and independence — skills that matter far more than getting the task done perfectly.

Teach life skills early. Our kids are far more capable than we sometimes give them credit for. Teach them how to do their own laundry, cook a few simple meals, and clean up after themselves. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard is to teach kids to really see what needs to be done — and to take the initiative to do it. Those everyday skills translate directly into responsibility, confidence, and a stronger sense of ownership later in life.

Build strong connections and family traditions.

The days often feel long, but the years fly by. Before you know it, those little people will be packing up for college or setting out on their own. Do the things now that build strong, lasting relationships with these amazing humans. Put down your phone and really listen when your teen talks. Get to know their friends. Find things you all enjoy doing as a family — game nights, weekend adventures, trying new recipes together, or making up your own silly traditions. The work you put into connection today will shape the way your family stays connected tomorrow. I’m so grateful that my boys still choose to spend time with us, even as adults.

Slow down and enjoy the now. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true — the years move faster than you can ever imagine. I see so many families racing from activity to activity, missing out on the beauty of just being together. Make space for slow moments: pajama days, quiet walks, or spontaneous beach trips. Let go of the pressure to fill every minute with productivity or progress. These everyday memories are what your teens will remember most — the laughter, the calm, the moments when you were fully present. Don’t forget to enjoy today. Tomorrow will be here before you know it.

Parenting isn’t about perfection — it’s about growth, yours and theirs. Every stage brings new challenges and new chances to learn alongside your kids. Give yourself grace, keep showing up, and know that even when it feels messy, you’re doing incredible work. One day, you’ll look back and realize those small, ordinary moments were the ones that mattered most.

One of the things I love most about Hi-Lite is that we’ve built a village for families who want extra support and connection. Parenting is easier (and so much more fun) when you don’t do it alone. Our Empowered Families group meets virtually twice a month and offers support, connection and real life tips and strategies to make parenting a little easier!

Sign up online and let’s do this together!

Coach Amy Thomas